To Amanda From Jared

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, and a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me, just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so f*cking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling, "Make it go away," just make a smile
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered, "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you.
For You
For You
For You

This is Beautiful

Someone from my Perfect Man list said to me tonight, 

"I dont know why, and I think its time I stopped asking Why, and started listening to how, Ive been blessed with so much, Size, strength, emotion, beauty, love, knowledge, And I've always asked Why."

p.s. If You Havent Already Noticed

Please be patient with me while I take a break from painting 

to live a normal life. 

Im going through a weird phase. Ive been looking up recipes and actually cooking... weird, I know. Im content right now but I also want more. But what that is... I dont know yet. Im blaming it all on the hormones. So leave me alone to watch romance moves with chocolate...I'll get back to the painting at some point! Until then, you can expect some interesting pics and silly thoughts to come from my uncontrollable need to self express. 

Its True

My baby girl! 

Some day I want to make her a big sister.

I Enjoy You

Christmas 2000

  

  

MISTAKES make me human. 

FAILURE makes me stronger. 

LOVE keeps me alive. 

But its YOU who keeps me smiling 

And someday youll embarace that.