Have You Ever...

Talked to yourself so much that you are sick of hearing your own voice?

I have.

Im hitting the mute button.

Check One Two

Just reading over my blog.

Ugh.

Who is this?

Not me.

All this talk about love, life and happiness.

My head is out of the clouds and even Im annoyed by me.

Im starting to feel bad for whom ever has read this.

Sorry!

...I need to get back to my art.

Telling me to go

With all that I am and all that I have

Im lost with no direction.

Why?

Why hasnt someone come along,

grabbed my hand

and said,

"follow me"

I want to be with someone that enjoys me

I have this passion for life and people

a passion that allows me to fall madly deeply in love

with the spirt of the person I adore

But for some reason,

I go to bed every night with my mac and blackberry

So Im still on a mission.

I mission to make myself happy

and find a place to call home.

Lay some roots.

I am turning over every stone here before I go though

and so far I have found nothing.

Only a path that is leading me one way

far far away.

I told Mr. Hope I was going to NYC

And this is what he said,

"You realize there is a time and place for soul searching

and then there is pushing the limits of your fascination

with something that isn't necessarily real

by doing something stupid."

Im Waiting

A True Love
is When You Can Love Someone Without Seeing Them...
Without Holding Them..
When it is Enough to Exist in This Space and Time...
and Wait for the Hour...
the Perfect Time to Bring Your Union
~Victoria Glenn

Hey Young World

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly

because you are a good person

is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you

because you are a vegetarian”

~Author Unknown

War Paint

Sometimes I wonder if love is worth fighting for,

but then I see your face and I'm ready for war.

“Life is a choice."

Choose life today.

Face your fears.

Take a risk.

Think outside the box.

Do what you love.

Share your passions with people.

Inspire.

Use your talents.

Say what you mean.

Love with abandon.

Go for it!

Ask questions.

Give answers.

Be present.

Be Creative.

Be your own person.

Live life!

What Will She Say With Her Microphone?

So Samantha wants a real microphone. Her favorite song right now is Handlebars by The Flobots. Theres a line that says, "I can lead a nation with a microphone." I told her if she can learn all the words to the song I would buy her one. Even though she doesnt know who Leif Ericson is or know all the words to "De Colores" ...shes giving me a run for my money! Cant wait to record her doing it! ~So cute.

Im watching tutorials.

I AM, my best investment.

I Never Told You

God, I just look at his smile and it seems so clear.

So obvious to me that he stands alone.

He is perfection.

The good and the bad.

I enjoy who he is.

Everything about him.

With this in mind,

how or why would I even look further?

Because I could never tell him.

Tonight He Made Me Smile

"Sometimes what we want isn't what we need

and was only given to serve some purpose for a time.

God may be taking you somewhere else.

Let go and let God.

Time can heal wounds if you let it..."

~Cherice Stanley

Love at first sight

Over the years I have been asked if I believe in love at first sight.

I never knew how to answer that...

mainly because I often would question the ulterior motive of the men asking me the question.

Here is what I have concluded.

Do you see because you believe,

or do you believe because you see?

I have seen it.

I have been there.

I have felt it.

Though its taken me a long time to figure out the catch

and now I will share it with you.

It has to be mutual.

Tonight I came alive again.

I spent my lunch break at my storage cube today.

I wanted to see my paints

as if they were incarcerated...

it feels as though they are.

I went to grab one.

The gold can,

then I saw the pinks and the purples

and I couldn't bare to take just one

and my hands couldn't hold them all.

So I told them,

"Don't worry, I will return for all of you!"

And I did.

Tonight I painted.

Master My Monet

"The moment that you commit to living your dream(s)

despite any outside influence

is the moment you have mastered your life..."

What a stupid holiday.

It takes one sperm to be a father. It takes a whole lot more than DNA to be a dad. In 24 hours, 120 million sperm are produced. Im glad he had at least one that was not retarded from his addictions that made it to my healthy perfection of an egg. Happy freaking fathers day everyone.

21 is a great age.

Happy Birthday Brandon.

Mount Katahdin

The highest peek in all of New England

and the end of the Appalachian Trail!

Baxter State Park has over 200 miles of hiking trails in some of the wildest and most spectacular terrain in New England. Some of the trails are over 100 years old and the Park provides a variety of hiking trails from an easy hike to Big and Little Niagara Falls to a strenuous all-day climb to Baxter Peak. We hiked from 0930 to 2100. We made it 5,267 feet in elevation!

Why Did I Even Bother?

So I made the account yesterday

and I go to log on just now and get this...

"There is a problem with your account.

Please contact customer care at 1-800 blah blah"

Let me guess,

they think my name and whole profile is fake.

While uploading my professional pics,

they kept deleting them saying they were fake.

Ugh.

I dont have time for this.

I should have known.

Fuck it.

Less drama anyways being single.

Heres your sign.

Maybe I should listen to the stars.

...but I know my heart will take me back to a Gemini...

Capricorn and Taurus love compatibility

Both partners having mutual understanding of each other's personalities. Both the Capricorn and the Taurus like money, and sure that the safety is really important. While the Taurus is a patient person the Capricorn is ready to work for both of them. Taurus can get through to aloof, cautious Capricorn and give the encouragement and responsiveness needed. Both have earthy, passionate natures, and sensual Taurus can tap the deep well of romanticism that lies under Capricorn's reserve. This couple can conceive everything in the field of sex - every idea will come truth. Capricorn's sexual appetite can be either over indulgent, or he/she may abstain altogether if affected by outside pressures. Taurus will need to be sensitive to Capricorns tension and be willing to discus it and ease his burden of guilt he/she may feel because of it. There are perfect prospects for that couple and it can turn out to be a very compatible marriage.

Capricorn and Virgo love compatibility

Virgo's neat orderly mind meshes well with Capricorn's self-discipline and capacity for hard work. Both take pride in their home, enjoy having a few close friends rather than many acquaintances, and admire each other's intellectual abilities. The Caoricorn's practicality suits the Virgo's accuracy perfectly. There are possible misunderstandings in the field of sex, but they know and feel each other so well, that these misunderstandings don't disturb them. They are both - clever, conservative and patient. This relationship could suffer from lack of romance, as both tend to be a bit reserved in this area. Generally there is a good basis for a long union.

Capricorn and Libra love compatibility

Capricorn has a strong sexual interest in the Libra. Libra in her/his part likes the Capricorn's aspiration to earn money. However, the Libra's propensity for laziness irritates the Capricorn who got used to work without a rest. As a result the Libra will be dissatisfied by a Capricorn's sober practicality. The Capricorn wouldn't like Libra's constant attempts to be center of everyone's attention. Capricorn will even bring his/her work to bed, literally, and it will be up to Libra to distract him/her long enough for sexual relations to take place. A sign such as Libra is not about to put up with this for very long before greener pastures are sought out. There is too big personal incompatibility for a successful marriage.

Capricorn and Scorpio love compatibility

This union means successful sexual mutual relationships. Scorpio is the more imaginative lover, but Capricorn's stamina is a delightful match. Scorpio's possessiveness spells security to Capricorn. These two work well as a team - Capricorn is highly organized and Scorpio has native shrewdness. The Scorpio is more inventive, while the Capricorn is more patient. Their success in bedroom opens some interesting opportunities. The representatives of both signs have strong will, but the Scorpio is inclined to dominate. The Capricorn must understand, that it happens because of the Scorpio's great love. The connection is usually passionate and marriages are successful.

Its no wonder it never works out...

Gemini Man and Capricorn Woman

The love compatibility of a Gemini man and a Capricorn woman is not too great. He is a flirt by nature and this can really break her soft, warm heart. She needs to form deep emotional bonds, which he is totally allergic to. For her, relationship means faithfulness and loyalty and with his freedom-seeking nature, it is difficult to say whether he will be able to give it or not. His impatience is also not likely to gel well with her enduring nature. But, he can definitely teach her how to be flexible in life and easily adapt to change.

Where Dreams Come True

For a few years now she had been wanting to go on a plane.

I always told her I would take her,

and what better way than on a trip to Disney!

As a single parent, in this economy,

that feels FANTASTIC to be able to do this for her!!!

SCORE

I win!

On My Way

At this point, I have lost 69 lbs.

I want my waist and hips to be half the size they are now

and I wont stop until I get there.

Though looking at these,

now I feel dumb taking and posting pics of my body in the mirror,

but I know I will be glad I did so when I reach my goal.

These are a great example of my progress and will also document where I came from.

My Revolution

Its more than a revelation,

Its a personal revolution.

I want to share everything I have

and do with someone else

(other than my daughter)

I want to have companionship

with someone that is real.

Not a room mate

I want more out of life,

than chasing a false dream.

I want to wake up to the same face I fall asleep with.

I want to love someone

and have them love me back.

Im ready for a change.

Im ready for a relationship.

Apply Within

Artist seeks muse.

I think its time I start taking applications.

Glitter In The Air

"Have you ever hated yourself

for staring at the phone?

You're whole life waiting

on the ring

to prove you're not alone"

~Pink

"Getting broken because of men is behind you."

This song makes me think of the future I want.

To some day wake up next to the eyes Im in love with.

To paint them over and over as they watch me from across the room.

But for now, I just want to get to know him.

What I Am Training For

I was asked if Im training for a marathon,

and my answer was,

"No, Im training for many things."

Here is a list of a few of them:

The next time I have sex...and all of the other times to follow.

A future job interview.

The moment in time when I have to slip on a lil black dress

to be someone's arm candy for the night at a black tie affair.

For every first impression.

My next art show.

For every video I want to make.

But most importantly,

for a better future guaranteed by a healthy lifestyle.

And yes, a biathlon...maybe even a triathlon.

The Raw

Audio via http://chrislouis.com/

The Color Blue Round III

The boy in blue sent me this once upon a time

and now I share it with you.

I love you

Tell those whom you care about

that you love them.

Life is too short not to.

A Part of Me

I need my studio.

I crave my paint.

I miss my canvas.

I want a muse to paint on my canvas,

with my paint in my studio.

Until I get that,

a part of me is oooh so empty.

So True

"Take me as I am...or watch me as I go."

This was in my head all day.

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside

I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money but boy if I did

I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no

Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show

I know it's not much but it's the best I can do

My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss

Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross

But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song

It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do

You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue

Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

~Elton John

Debate Me

Incase I forgot to mention,

I love a good challenge.