Brick walls

"To make it into my life is hard. To make it into my heart is impossible. To make it onto my canvas is a blessing."~Amanda Delight

So after I went public with this statement, I had a divorced man tell me,  

"if youve already come to the conclusion that its impossible to make it into your heart, your going to be a very lonely person...i think if we were meant to be alone, then the joys we share when we are with a special someone just wouldnt be as enjoyable. AND if youve never felt that joy, then i feel sorry for you."

I answered him with, 

"Is it possible to experience the emotion of loneliness when I enjoy being alone? With a revolving door of patients all day, being a single parent and having a few thousand in my social networks, being alone is rare for me. But when I am alone, I then have time for my canvas. Im confused as to what that has to do with my heart. My heart is not empty, many people have their share of it. Ive been married and have a child, I feel that JOY everyday. Why do I have to prove that to you?"

After going back and forth on this topic, my fellow artist, Ladessa Sullivan aka CandyAcidReign writes, 

"Amanda is not ALONE. That's the point. I'd venture to say she has more than anyone could provide. She is fulfilled in her life, and full of love & spirit, and she has loved one's. Who's to say that's not enough when it's more than enough, and more than most people have?! Would you suggestbringing just anyone into her inner circle, just to say she has a man... only for that person to leech onto her and spread like a cancer killing off the joy she has created in her world?! Everyone knows what they have room for in their life at the moment, and I'm pretty sure that the right people are already in her heart in spirit, even before she meets them... and that's the way it should be."

After much thought, Ive concluded:

1. That guy is an ass.

2. Ladessa is right on point and truly understands me as a woman and as an artist.

3. Men are forcing me into becoming more and more asexual everyday. Asexuality is distinct from celibacy, which is the deliberate abstention from sexual activity. Some asexuals do have sex...

4. To make it into my life is hard. To make it into my heart is impossible. To make it onto my canvas is a blessing.

 

Irvine

"Are you there? 

Are you watching me? 

As I lie here on this floor 

They say you feel what I do"

The Graverobber

"So why care for these petty obsessions? Your desire heart still beats with common blood. And what if you could have genetic perfection? Would you change who you are, if you could? Cause it's quick. It's clean. And it's pure."

Confined

 I dont let people in 

because they suck the life out of me. 

Know my façade at the end of a rope. ~A.Delight

Magnesium Sulfate

Im royalty 

and she's the servant

He's broke 

and I own it.

~A.Delight

Excuse Me Miss

I think of Jay Z often...mainly cause I'm so into Beyonce whom is the "complement to his swag"

I think of their relationship.

I want that.

They both have their own success's and individuality but when they collaborate, they make greatness.

My Cherries

The cherries to me are like a fine box of chocolates... divine, mouth watering and endorphin releasing, like emulating the comedown from an orgasm aka my character.

To My Mom

I love you. 

Live life with no regrets and know that everything happens for a reason.  Because of this I am strong, independent and would not change a thing.  I once wrote, 

"I am becoming much greater than the idealistic version of whom you think I am. 

I am a woman that grew up being broken down, only to evolve into a person that has more strength and determination than any man you will meet. A man could never give me what I need, because those are things that only I can obtain on my own.

 I bare the name that was given to me at my birth not of my father or my ex lover, but a name that has been passed down from woman to woman. I am Amanda Delight and I am walking away from love and running with my dreams...and ladies, you can do it too!"

Mom, I know that if you could go back in time, you would do things differently...but I wouldnt want you to.  My past has made me who I am to help build my future.  Whether we can control that or not, thats what destiny is.  

You always were my life line, even though you where half way around the world at times.  And all of these years later and only 12 miles away, you still are.  I honestly dont know what I would do without you. I thank God for you and I am proud to have you as my mother. 

Single?

Tonight I was asked, "Why is it you are single, because of the pics I have seen you are definitely beautiful and shouldnt be"

This is a question I have been asked time and time again. And I have to admit...its a question I have asked others in the past. So here is my response;

I guess the best way I can answer that is, " I choose to be" I like being single. I enjoy the spice of life and the freedom that comes with being single. Relationships are to confined and defined for me. I love meeting new people and exploring my sexual side artistically. I have found in the past that men dont like their girlfriends getting naked in front of a camera or talking to others online. I do these things to promote my self as an artist, to express myself and to grow. So this way, I am free to be me. Not to mention I havent found "the one" (though Im not looking) and until I do, ima keep on, keeping on.

Glow Star by Amanda Delight

Equality

Tonight I was asked if I thought the church had a role in what happened to my marriage along with the question, "If so many people are against marriage in general, then why do you all feel so strongly about gay marriage?"  And this is my response;

Nope the church had no role in what happened in my marriage, I couldnt get him to go to church with me, and I wasnt about to go and have ppl whisper behind my back. I did enough things alone then and I wasnt about to go stand there with a bunch of other "families" with myself lookin like a single parent. What ever happened to the days when the priest would visit I guess is what I was making reference to. When Jared asked around for advice, he listened to "the guys" at the FD that told him to take the direction he did. I guess what Im saying is, if the church wants to save marriage, they should try and save divorce. After my experience, I dont believe in marriage. But I had that right. And I can again if I choose...because Im straight. Now, if I was gay, I should have that same right. Marriage is traditionally tied to a church, but has modern day benefits that we all should have rights to. Just think, I will vote no on 1, and you MAY vote yes...but before 1920, neither of us had that right as women. I just dont feel it is ok to take a group of people and segregate them because of a genetic quality that they have. The Salem witch trials were wrong, slavery was wrong, the holocaust was wrong, Japanese Internment camps were wrong, women oppression was wrong. I just hope that some day when Samantha is older, I can tell her about this and it will seem so ludicrous to her that once upon a time, the churches (a place where god loves "all") supported the governments control and segregation over marriage. Its time for change. 

Vote NO on 1.

A. Lowbrow Delight

Seen for the first time online, this is a 10x10 oil on canvas that I did in 2007. A lowbrow self portrait of me as a child. Yes, my head is severed and hairs are chopped. Art tells a story, that isnt always pretty.

My Love

Never give up hope! Samantha and I got home this morning and walked into our studio, and there he was, all the love Ive been looking for my whole life. He completes me and makes me feel whole. He stays up with me late through the nights and holds all of my dreams steady. Hes always up for a good time and doesnt mind my songs on repeat when I create. Every time I see him, I know that anything is possible. 

Who is he??? 

He is my easel! 

You have to be this and so much more.

1. Have a big heart

2. Live life as a good person

3. Be hard working

5. Give me space to be me and express myself

6. Be creative yourself

7. Make me feel safe

8. Look at me from across the room like there is no one else in the world that compairs to me

9. Have tons of passion

10. Love me and my daughter more than life its self, know the sacrifice it takes to always be our rock and never break our hearts, we are a package deal.

A challenge to my muse

I Can See More Beauty Than You

   ~ by OneMoreOption

I can see more beauty than you
Do you think it’s true?

Let’s have a competition between you and me
To see who can find more beauty to see

And when we think that beauty has run out
Let’s make some of our own with a shout

I want to inspire you in this endeavor against me
Because this is an effort I’m happy to lose, you see

Don’t tell me your inspiration and creations have run dry
If you do, put your back on me and drive

The only way you can become unbeautiful
Is to become invisible

Your beauty is as strong as you put it forward
As unrelenting as your care for others

Show me the eyes that helped teach me to see
Break my heart each day with your memory

Try to see and create more beauty than me
Fill the absences with spice and reverie

It will not matter who wins between you and me
It’s the effort that may benefit everyone we see

I should know better than to touch the fire twice

I'm strong

But I break

I'm stubborn

And I make plenty of mistakes

Yeah I'm hard

And life with me is never easy

To figure out, to love 

I'm jaded but oh so lovely

All you have to do is hold me

And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be 

If you'll trust me, love me, let me

Maybe, maybe

Someday 

When we're at the same place

When we're on the same road

When it's okay to hold my hand

Without feeling lost

Without all the excuses

When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me

Then maybe, maybe

All you have to do is hold me

And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be 

If you'll trust me, love me, let me

Maybe, maybe

I don't want to be tough
And I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost 
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe, maybe,maybe, yeah maybe
I should know better than to touch the fire twice
But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe you might
Maybe, love maybe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhWUHlEfY4s&feature=fvw

Biz

Antonio & Guiseppe De Bonis 

(my great grandfather), Shoe Repair.

 Probably mid- to late 1920s. Fall River, MA

I Support Same Sex Marriage

I was one of the first people in the county to put one up. 

Dear Timmy

My floor is covered in brightly colored long strips of canvas that make my heart heart pound and my skin glow. Its a beautiful thing. 

My commissions are stacking up, Im way behind and all I can do is look at these free spirits all around me. Once Im done the commissions Ive taken on, Im not doing any more. Im going to let myself bask in the world of abstraction. Im so far lost in the love of the paint, I dont ever want to return to a world of lines restricted and bound by facial features and skin tones. I feel like Ive sold my soul to the devil and Im floating on a cloud of mist risen from fornication. 

WWAD

Do you see it cause you painted it,

 or do you paint it cause you see it? 

What would Amanda do?